Reasoning the unreasonable

Politics in all over the world has the knack of eliciting the daftest quotes. Malaysian politics is of no exception. If one were to compile and rank the world’s most baffling quotes in the past one decade, I would bet my house that Malaysia would come out with at least 5 gems in the top 10. Remember how our ex-ex-Home Minister, Syed Hamid Albar justified the used of ISA against an innocent journalist as part of an elaborated protection program for the safety of the said journalist? How about our ex-Home Minister and current Defense Minister, Hishamuddin Hussien who assured the public that a group of foreign intruders in full military regalia and armed to the teeth were not militants or terrorists?

Not so long ago, our current Home Minister, Ahmad Zahid was quoted to have requested Malaysians who were not satisfied with the results of the GE13 (which was allegedly marred by massive frauds) to migrate. Assuming that only 47% of those who voted for the parties that formed the government of the day were satisfied (and that percentage includes many purportedly dubious voters), at least 53% of Malaysians mostly from the middle class who voted against them would have to find new homes in foreign lands. What an ingenious solution to the chronic traffic congestions in big cities like KL by the way. Perhaps the foot in the mouth disease is heredity in the Home Ministry.

Whilst the Home Ministry might possess the uncanny ability to produce classic bloopers, the ministry could never beat the Election Commission in the game of passing the buck. Way back to the GE12, the decision to use of inedilible ink in the election was reversed in the eleventh hour and the blame was pointed to the constitutional complication and also to the story of sabotage by unscrupulous parties who planned to dupe the village folks by inking their fingers prior to election and ultimately preventing them from voting. Up to today, no one knows which story was the “official truth”.

Fast forward to GE13, the constitution complication miraculously was no longer an issue and the unscrupulous people who plotted to cheat the village folks had probably repented and became good citizens. Thus the use of inedilible ink was no longer a no-go. The Election Commission even brazenly declared to the public on how committed they were in ensuring a clean and fair election. It was a rare honorable gesture by the EC which earned them a frenzy photo snapping session by the pressmen and some headline line news in the mainstream media.

That set the prelude to the passing the buck game. Eventually and unsurprisingly, the inedilible ink was proven to be edible after all. The first official response from the EC was to blame their lower ranked staffs for not shaking the bottles rigorously enough. Then, blame was pushed to the voters for applying lotion onto their fingers to wash off the stain easily. When that reasoning did not work too, the buck was then escalated to the Health Ministry for allegedly issuing a health warning on the high concentration of carcinogen content in the ink. Therefore, the caring EC took the benevolence initiative to dilute the ink. The public must buy this time. After all, wasn’t their overzealous health awareness on the potential side effects caused by the Lynas plant motivated them to come out in drove to vote?

Too bad, the Health Minister who must have forgotten the noble contribution of the EC in ensuring a “free and fair election” which subsequently put him into office, rebutted EC’s claim of such health warning and the buck was bounced back to the EC. Just when you think the buck could not be passed higher, you were underestimating the EC. Divine intervention happens. Apparently that was what was in the mind of the president of EC, Abdul Aziz when he quoted “On the much-awaited day, the power of Allah is greater when the ink could disappear after being washed several times. Where is the mistake?” Finally, he was successful in shutting up everyone because the people were speechless with their jaw gapping wide upon hearing his pearl of wisdom – a standing ovation for this god-fearing man.

Just when we thought the saga was finally put to rest when the buck has reached heaven, the EC decided that passing the buck back to its detractors with some conspiracy theory was still the best way to end a story in Malaysian politics and thus a special team was set up to investigate if the ink being easily washed off was due to sabotage. Borrowing from Fred Allen, Malaysia as usual has this culture of getting together a group of people who individually can do nothing, but together they can decide nothing can be done. Just look at the MACC, EAIC and whatever other commissions that were set up over the years. If the EC could be infiltrated so easily, I am sure it would make more sense to temper with the ballot boxes rather than the ink. Ballot boxes tempering was a proven to be the more effective and efficient ways to help win election (oops… did I say proven?).

In the latest update, the Minister in the Prime Minister’s Department Shahidan Kassim responded in parliament that not only the indelible ink was delible, it was indeed edible. The ink was actually made of food colouring! This time, we just have to kow tow to the EC’s unwavering spirit of keeping up to the Malaysia boleh slogan. Malaysia, truly amazing.

On another note, the dignified MCA president, Chua Soi Lek who refused all official positions for MCA members in keeping up to the party’s pre-election resolution suddenly declared a couple of days ago that MCA vice-president, Ng Yen Yen’s acceptance of her appointment as Malaysian Tourism Promotion Board (MTPB) chairperson was not in defiance of the party’s stand. Didn’t MCA went as far as suspending their own state assemblyman, Tee Siew Keong for accepting an exco position in the Johor state government which was recommended by the Sultan of Johor?

Let’s try to decipher the statement by Soi Lek:  “If one was to read the ‘no government posts’ resolution passed in the party’s annual general meeting in totality, (it states) nobody should accept government posts normally recommended by the party.” It appears that Yen Yen’s appointment was justified because she reportedly appointed herself to the position and not through the recommendation of MCA. So for those MCA big shots who are now lamenting the party’s decision for not accepting any ministerial position, this could be a hint from your president to appoint yourself to whatever position that you fancy. The party could not appoint you. The state menteri besars could not appoint you. The prime minister could not appoint you. Even the sultans could not appoint you. You are the master of your own destiny. Go appoint yourself. Then again, Yen Yen had clarified that it was the Minister of Tourism, Mohamed Nazri Abdul Aziz who appointed her. So correction here. According to MCA resolution, you could not be appointed by anyone to any position even by yourself. The position application process has to go through the Ministry of Tourism.

In the same press statement by Soi Lek, he also publicly rebuked Liow Tiong Lai for publicly rebuking him for publicly rebuking Donald Lim for publicly rebuking him earlier. In case you are confused, reread the sentence a few more times. The censuring by Tiong Lai who was once closely aligned to Ong Tee Keat must be an eye opener for Soi Lek whose influence within MCA is waning by days. It took Soi Lek up the twilight of his political career learned a bitter lesson that Tee Keat learned a few years ago; in politics there are no permanent friends or enemies only permanent interests – and in MCA, you won’t find a better teacher of such lesson than Tiong Lai.